I imagine the heaviest thing in the world is desire. It can fill you up and turn you inside out.. drive a man to great accomplishments, or crush him with failure. Desire can chain a man down more surely than any device. But desire is also a torment we give ourselves, for to desire what you have not breeds greed, to have not what you desire breeds jealousy. For me, I’ve had one desire almost my entire life, from the very moment I became my own person, and that desire is to be free.
Yet for all that striving, all that searching I have not the freedom I desire. In my search for freedom, I have become less free than when I started, because I desire freedom more strongly now than ever before. I long for purpose to find me again, for a path to be made clear…
Yet still I fear, if I let go of my desire to be free, I return to atrophy and nothingness. I may be at peace with myself, but at what cost? Without meaningful work and purpose, I have no status or identity.
