Title says it all. But sometimes it feels like I’m only posting for myself, so what’s the point of making regular posts when my memory banks are still functional? Yes it just might be the curse of having a good memory, you don’t feel the need to write anything down cause you’ll forget it. Or maybe it’s just cause I don’t care.
You know it takes a certain set of mind to not care. Most people get attached to something, even if it’s something small and inanimate. One thing a lot of people get attached to is money. I think to properly dissociate yourself from worldly cares it is necessary to let go of all these material attachments. It’s like living a life that is a game, and in that game you are trying to get as many points as possible. Well, once in a while it is nice to step back and say, “Life is just a game, it doesn’t matter whether you win or lose”. And you know what? It doesn’t. What matters most is who you are. The only thing you can take with you is yourself. Don’t lose yourself, that’s more important than anything else in the world. So what if you can’t afford that fancy widget or party like a rockstar? You need to ask yourself, “Is that who I am?” If you can’t even answer that question then you haven’t even begun living your life. It is not your life until you take ahold of it and find out who you are. What are your values, what is most important to you?
For me, I value justice more than anything. It is about doing the right thing in the right situation. My motto: never regret anything. It is a tough motto to abide by, but I find it helps me face a lot of my problems and deal with it. Sometimes it is easier to deal with the external problems than the internal ones, but the internal problems are the ones that eat you up. Never regretting anything, that means to me that I help someone who is in need, to not be afraid of anyone or anything, to act instead of idle, and to live by a set of principles or a code.
A tough decision I had to make was when some kids came soliciting at my door for the Mercury News. What made it personal was that they are supposedly trying to raise money to pay tuition at San Jose State. Basically they ask you to buy a subscription to the Mercury News to help their college funds, and I can choose to either receive the subscription or donate it. Now normally I would not be adverse to helping someone in need, but these kids made some seriously bad judgment calls and I just could not take it.
First of all, they come during dinnertime and interrupt my meal. Okay, you knocked on my door and got my attention, what do you want? Next they introduce themselves and what they are doing, and ask me if I was interested in a subscription. Uh, no thanks, next? Then they say, “Please, this subscription is going to help me go to college and you don’t even have to receive it you can give it to someone else”. Number one rule of selling something: do not be self centered. If you want someone to buy something from you, you need to let them know how it benefits THEM. Not YOU. So I’m standing at the door, my food is getting cold, and this kid is begging me to give them money and help them get into college, and they think they’re doing ME a favor! Well, at this point his 5 minutes are up and I try to put it to him delicately. Unfortunately for these hard sell newbies, they just don’t know when to quit. Get this, the kid pulls out his secret weapon and asks,” Well, don’t you want to help me out?”
So here I am in my underwear, giving the kid a chance to sell me on how this subscription is a win win situation for the both of us, he comes at me with a guilt trip phrase designed to bully housewives into dumping some money into them just so they’d go away. In my mind, it is just epic fail, and it would be disastrous to reward this kind of behavior. I kindly told him to fuck off and get off my porch.
What made it tough was that the kid is fucking up and he doesn’t even know it. He probably thinks I’m just some douchebag who wouldn’t buy his newspaper, but he will never understand that the problem wasn’t with me, it was with him. Maybe one day he will realize what he is doing wrong, and he will curse me for not buying his newspaper but in the process learn from his mistakes. Either way, I got to play off being the bad guy.
But you know what? That is fine. I know that in this world someone has to do the work no one wants to do, or make the decisions no one wants to make. I can be that person, because I trust myself not to fuck it up. It is because I have a code: never regret anything. I got my integrity, I won’t betray my conscience or my principles. So even if things turn out badly, I know I did everything I could, and will do everything I can, to make things right.